If I had to classify myself it would be in the category ‘no-nonsense’. I grew up in a strict Dutch reformed environment, no frills. And as much as I have dedicated my life to self-healing and transformation, my upbringing is still a big part of who I am. How could it not be? It is an ongoing process in which I let go of what I don’t need anymore when I become aware of it. The funny thing is that as open as I am to this thing called Life, I am (still) not very comfortable around subjects that quantify as fuzzy. Which makes it rather ironical that I am highly intuitive and use that quality to help myself and others heal through coaching and energy work.
Interestingly, growing up, believing in God was the easiest thing in the world, because I could feel the Presence of what I was taught to call God. Nothing compared to being in that Presence, because it moved me to my core. God never was an old man with a beard sitting on a cloud, and I had trouble personifying this Presence, but I knew beyond a doubt that it cared; I never felt more cared for than ‘in the arms of God’. Yet, my experience was always within the context of how the bible was interpreted in our church. After my Master’s, I got very conflicted, and I realized that my conservative christian upbringing conflicted with who I had become and was becoming. I was constantly trying my best to stay within the boundaries of our church’s teachings, and at a certain point I decided that I could no longer take the level of conflict it created within myself. At that point, I radically let go of religion and of God. Rather unexpectedly, this benign Presence did not let go of me. It was still with me wherever I went, but without the context I had been brought up with, I felt lost and unsure, it was as if I was in a foreign country where I did not speak the language. Being brought up in an environment where interpretation and dogma had become truth, I was adamant that I did not want to attribute meaning to this Presence, or worse, interpret it. I classified it as unnameable and unknowable. I did not trust myself enough to be open to it. And honestly, I had no clue what to do with it. All I knew was that I did not want to create a new religion in the vacuum that was left after I left the religion of my youth. Years went by. I learned about psychology and theology, Eastern and Western, I studied wisdom traditions and mysticism. And slowly, I let go of layers and layers of socialization. Then my body started to display debilitating physical symptoms, and I knew without a doubt, without knowing how I knew, that I needed to let go of old emotional wounds. A period of intense emotional and physical healing started. I learned to trust my intuition and be guided by it. I became aware of the energy field that was in and around me, I could feel it and tap into it. It moved me in the same way the God of my childhood used to move me. I learned that tapping into this pool of energy helped me gain greater clarity and allowed me to let go of whatever was holding me back, and most importantly, it filled me with unnameable joy. I am still unwilling to name it or to pretend that I know it, yet I have learned (and am more and more learning) to allow its powers to flow through me. What I learned as well is that I can use this Presence to help others heal and understand. This only works when I am willing to give up my need to have (all) the answers, which is uncomfortable as hell. Yet, I am more and more comfortable to allow this benign Presence into the mix and ask the questions I feel inspired to ask, even if they don’t make sense to me, because that’s usually when the magic happens. I find that incredibly exciting. The thing I am most excited about, however, is helping people to open up the energy field that is in and around them, to teach how them to tap into it and to use it to heal their old emotional wounds and access the joy that is our natural state. Over the years, I have learned that we attract into our lives experiences that mirror our most practiced beliefs about ourselves and the world and that letting go of the root of those limiting beliefs, old emotional wounds, is the surest way to attract better experiences into our lives, experiences that mirror more of who we are at core, beneath all the painful socialization. It is my experience that when we let go of the pain of the past, not only do we feel lighter, life actually becomes lighter. That is really what I wish for everyone.
Later this week, I will post a video in which I explain how to become aware of your own energy field and use it to let go of the emotional wounds that keep you from living a joy-filled life. If you want to know more about how I coach or are interested in being coached by me, you can read more on this page.
photo by Marie Jeanne Iliescu via freeimages.com
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