At this stage in my life I repeat endlessly the same words to my one-year old daughter. Car, dog, cat… even when we’re driving on the highway, or taking a walk in the parc at dog walking hour. I read the same books, over and over again, imitating all kinds of farm animals (I do the best cock-a-doodle-doo, really). And I don’t mind. Although mothering doesn’t pay, is not highly regarded in today’s society, it is what I do best and what I love most. I admit it’s not all I want to do in this lifetime, but caring for this girl definitely is one of the reasons I’m on this earth.
This week I’m coming to peace with the idea that being me simply means piecing together all the parts that have meaning to me. Accepting that I attract into my life what I need to address in order to heal the soul. I have learned this lesson intellectually some years ago, but only now its seeds fall into good ground. There are no mistakes, just a zillion ways to be me.
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Nora ~ how are you?! I just got your email, but let me comment on this first…
I find this particularily interesting…”This week I’m coming to peace with the idea that being me simply means piecing together all the parts that have meaning to me.” I struggle with the whole stay-at-home-mom job, not because it’s not honored as much as it should be, but because i don’t find it completely fulfilling like other mothers seem to. But what you’ve said above…maybe i’m like a puzzle piece…best viewed with a wider, appreciative eye, rather than taken apart and less appreciative in pieces. (hang in here with me as i try to wrap this up…i’m figuing this out as i type this…) it’s ME who’s not appreciating all the aspects, all the roles that I am currently standing in, and I’m not sure exactly why. i realize at this moment that i have always seen myself as a whole…Lil ~ a woman who really wants to be a holistic healer, turned SAHM because her daughter needs her to be, oh and partner to a man who deserves much more attention than i give him right now. there are holes in this image, a lacking that will be repaired as soon as my daughter no longer needs me when she’s in school, i can go back to finishing my holistic certitication, and finally have time to turn and see my partner completely and with rapt attention as i once did. it’s unrealitic though to keep on relating to this image…but there is such safety in this for me…the one that you describe DOES feel more peaceful, and I’m able to better swallow (for lack of a better word) that I AM made up of so many things…I AM multitasking the best of my ability…I can be all of the things I am right now, without wishing I was something better for me, for her and for him…
thank you Nora for this…I’m not sure if I’ve taken your words in it’s intended meaning, but it’s what I got out of it!
http://www.changingwoman.wordpress.com
see you round! I didn’t have your blog bookmarked and why I’ve missed being here..but I do now!
peace,
Lil
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Hi Lil,
good to ‘see’ you again.
I understand what you mean, but I don’t agree. I recently heard a shrink tell a story. She said everybody in ‘the chair’ always blames their mom for everything that went wrong. At some point in her career she met a man who seemed completely at ease with him self and the world, so she couldn’t resist to ask how come? He said he had a great mother (not a sahm), she loved life.
You say your daughter needs you to be a SAHM. Don’t you mean your daughter needs a great mother? Being a great mother doesn’t mean you have to devote 100% of you to your girl. What do you need? How do you take care of yourself? Your daughter needs you to love life. You dream of being a holistic healer. Would it, with the help of family and friends, not be possible to finish your holistic certification part-time AND be the best mom you can be? Why wait until she’s in school? By showing her you love yourself, you’ll give her permission to love herself. Isn’t that worth the world?
And how difficult it may be, you have to focus on your relationship with your partner, that can’t wait until your daughter is in school. Then there will be other things. Your relationship is the basis of how your daughter will rate all possible relationships in her life. A good example from her parents is crucial in her developing a good relation when she’s grown up.
Your daughter needs you to be you, not some modern martyr. I’m not against stay at home moms (I am one!). I’m not saying this to be blunt, but because I’ve been raised by a mom who completely sacrificed herself. It didn’t do me any good. Actually, I have been struggling with it since I was a teen. Even lately. I’ve been conditioned in a way that everything I do needs to be meaningful, for the greater good of humanity. I never learned to do what I love, to do what holds meaning for me, to go my own way. I finally need to give my self permission to live my own life. From now on, I’ll be doing what I love and I’ll see where that lands me. It will be a good place, no doubt, because I sincerely believe what I’m attracted to are whispers from the soul. For me it means being with my girl AND doing a job I love.
I hope I didn’t add to your struggle…!
ok norea, i can see your point…and rather than continue here, i’m going to post this all over at my blog…i want to explore how i feel further with this, it’s been haunting me since i wrote it…and some of what you say here has rocked my core mother-beingness. no you haven’t added to my struggle…you’ve shed a light that perhaps, just maybe i havent’ been able to, or wanted to see…
not wanting to be a martyr,
Lil