Two weeks ago, for the first time in my life, I felt the full alignment of me and ME. The feeling was undescribable. Everything clicked. I felt this amazing sense of peace and oneness. I felt perfect and whole, I felt worthy. What a feeling! Wow!
It lasted exactly one day. Then, part of it was lost again and I felt myself grow increasingly frustrated. What was wrong with me? Why could I not hold on to that feeling? Why did I feel some of these old feelings of inadequacy again? Until it dawned on me that this is perfectly normal, that I am perfectly normal. And I remembered hearing stories of people who had resided in the palm of God’s hand and all their life tried to find that feeling again.
What I have learned in these last years is that Life’s path is not linear. To get to the next mountain top, you often have to descend a bit first. From an absolute point of view, your average altitude is higher than it was before the last peak. But it doesn’t always feel that way. Somehow, you remember the high of reaching that peak and have forgotten what it took to get there. You feel frustrated, because, in the normal bustle of things, you don’t feel as elated anymore.
What I know for sure is that climbing this mountain range called life, with every peak you reach, you get a feel of what’s to come. To reach that next summit, you’ll have to keep on going, relying on the skills that got you where you are and learning new skills in the process, because old habits won’t get you new results; every level requires that you perfect your skills and learn something new.
So instead of getting more frustrated with every step, I’ve decided to put up my base camp. I will stay here for a while. I’ll get used to the altitude, to the reality of these new feelings and I’ll practice the skills that go with it. Skills that, in time, will help me reach the next peak. I’m excited about being here, I love training these new skills and I am thrilled about the journey ahead of me. K2, here I come!
This is something else I too am slowly, sometimes very slowly, learning, everyone has peaks and troughs, it is not something odd about me as I have been led to believe but something I have in common with the best of humankind. I count you among the best, your last words to me kept me going when I thought I had no value, if I find myself slipping I remember them. I cannot thank you enough.
We’re all learning. Each in our own pace. Me, I’m just me. I have my ups and downs, I do my best and sometimes I fail miserably. To be able to make a difference to someone I don’t even know, that to me is a miracle.
You are perfect as you are. Self-value is created through valuing yourself, how paradoxical that may sound. What I have learned is that when you make choices that reflect self-love, how you feel about yourself slowly but surely will change. May you feel loved, may you feel whole. Namasté.