These last months I have posted articles that had a high scare factor. At least for me. Having been an extreme people pleaser for so long, showing my true face felt (and still feels) unsettling. I realize now that I have played small not to alienate friends, even potential friends, because I was afraid my friends would not relate to who I really am. What if they decide that they don’t like who I am beneath my social mask. What if they decide that they don’t want to continue our friendship? For a long time I subconsciously believed that such a decision on their part would be proof that who I am isn’t good enough. I now know that some friendships evolve right along with us and others don’t. Yes, loss of alignment does hurt, but that is okay. Grief is a process in which we need to learn and find the added value of that specific alignment within ourselves. I can have peace with that, today, because for the first time in my life the loss of a friend wouldn’t diminish my self-worth in any way.
What I learned this week is that showing all that I am is liberating. To lower my mask, show my true face and have people appreciate me for who I really am feels beyond awesome. Interestingly not because it makes me feel validated, although that will probably be part of it too, I am human, but because it is empowering to be good enough no matter what others think of me. Through the process of daring to be real, I made the transition from a reality in which friendships are scarce to a reality in which they are abundant and always available. By releasing the need for certain friendships and certain people in my life, I’m inviting a new reality in. A reality in which here will always be people who will love the person I am, no matter who I choose to be. A reality in which the Universe will align friendships, old and new, that reflect authenticity, courage and compassion, because that is what it takes to reach out and really connect with others through showing our perfectly imperfect selves, our real selves, not some image of who we think we should be.
In these amazingly complex human bodies that don’t look anything like those in the commercials, with our wonderfully unique personalities that don’t live up to the high standards of our perfectionist societies, and our personal preferences and desires that won’t get everyone’s mark of approval, we need to grow courage and compassion to embrace our humanity, to know that we are good enough eventhough we make ‘mistakes’ continuously, to fall head over heals in love with all that we have to offer, even when others think we are wrong or even bad, because, honestly, what others think is none of our business.
Image by Benton Y