Declare war on self-terrorism

As someone paid me a compliment on this weblog, I felt this deep kind of relief. Although, I loved what I was doing, sometimes was even amazed at what I had written, I had been anxious on some level. Deep inside, I apparently needed someone else to affirm my worth. Why do I still hunger someone else’s approval? Why can I not validate in my own feelings of worth? Why do I find it so hard to have confidence in me?  I blame it on my inner-critic, that mean little voice in the back of my head that always makes snide remarks. Over the years, she’s taken so much power, it doesn’t leave any room for inner-praise. Of course, I’m the main culprit here. I somehow tend to believe my inner-critic and be suspicious of inner-praise. But then I wondered: don’t we all?
Our inner-critic seems to be nothing more than the sum of negative voices we’ve been exposed to when growing up: criticizing comments of our parents, teachers and even of that bullying classmate. But I am not that kid anymore. I’ve grown up. I have learned criticism is rooted in fear.  So why do I still listen to that frightened little voice? Why do I give any credit to some out-dated coward?  Honest? I wouldn’t know.
In my life, I have no room for nagging friends or draining relationships. Life is too short. Why would I allow the most important relationship I have (with myself) to be ruined by such a tyrant. I won’t. Anymore. Today, I’ve declared war on self-terrorism. I have given my inner-terrorist an ultimatum: Either she is with me or against me. Friend or foe. If she’ll keep terrorising me, I’ll hunt her down and smoke her out.

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