I didn’t think I had it in me

In high school, I was called a whore by one boy.  And I remember being shocked. For I knew for sure that I was not. Until one day, years later, I realised I could be. I heard this little voice in my head making a racist remark. At first, I could not believe I could even think something like that. But there was no denying it. I had to admit I was a potential racist. In the years that followed, I have discovered I am in potential a lot of things, good and bad. I’m a sinner, but I’m also a saint. I have learned there are no dualities, good and bad are just two sides of a polarity. I can’t be all bad or all good. There is no wrong or right, I am good and bad at the same time.

Comments 4

  1. good or bad are in the eye of the beholder. i think you are just who you are. i think there are things you like, and things you don’t like about yourself. they can change. judgments go deeper: they are destructive to the soul.

    en voor de nederlandse lezer: hoihoi, vond je weblog via Sara, mooie teksten schrijf je!

  2. Post

    Hi there! Fun to meet you on my weblog. Thanks, I do my best.

    As for the content of your comment. I agree (partly). What I mean to say is that I have good and bad in me, that is part of being human. I can’t change that, but by accepting I am both, I go beyond judgment, As a result, I am no longer attached to those judgements, which means I’m free from them.

    How do you define soul?

  3. I understand what you are saying. And how do I define soul? That’s difficult! It’s not character, it’s not behaviour, it’s not something you can see. It’s the very private part in you, the core of being you. Is it the center from which someone lives? I don’t mean it in a religious way. Religion is culture, in my point of view. Culture is external, soul is internal. External can touch internal, but it doesn’t define it.
    Am I still making sense? 🙂

  4. Post

    Yes, you are. I’ve done my best to cohere my thoughts on the subject, maybe you can relate to this:
    I am not my soul, nor is my soul me.
    My soul is like a drop of water in the ocean. It is part of all that surrounds me, of something greater, however you want to call it. It existed before I was born and wil continue to exist after I die. It has a purpose and gives my life meaning.
    I is my personality, my body, the vessel that carries my soul. When soul and ego are aligned, they move efficiently to their destiny. Imagine the ego driving a car and the soul being the passenger reading the map. If they cooperate, they will arrive at their destination smoothly, in time and by abiding to traffic regulations.
    Soul and personality have two completely different job descriptions. Soul is the leader with a vision defining your goal. Ego is the manager, taking you to that goal. That is if he is listening to soul’s vision, doing what needs to be done. And not to busy managing, as many managers are.

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