Mind the gap!

 

 

 

I have been wanting to use this title for a long time. If you have ever been to London and taken the subway, you will have heard a deep voice speak these words every time the doors open. How cool is it to be reminded of one of life’s greatest lessons on your daily commute?

What I have learned is that when you let go of old beliefs and the emotions that are attached to it, it has a kind of domino effect. Some effects show right away, but most effects take some time. In my experience, there is a period in which the brain and body sort of recalibrate. What will follow among other things are a greater sense of peace and well-being, more clarity.
So far, the ‘some effects’ have been pretty awesome already. What I have noticed is that the ways in which fear of failure manifests within me  are becoming clearer and as a result its grip is becoming less paralyzing. It is no longer something that happens to me, that operates my life on a subconscious level. I can see what is happening and I can choose how to respond.

I love when that happens, because that is the exact point where learning begins. From now on, every time this fear of failure rears its head Life will present me with the opportunity to meet the challenge, to follow my heart. Before, because I did not recognize it for what it was, my system reacted unconsciously, taking from me the opportunity to choose my most wanted response. Over the last year, I was able to see what was happening in retrospect. Shedding (at least part of) my shame has created a gap between what happens to me and how I respond. In this gap lives my freedom to choose. It still is a small gap, but it will grow bigger every time I mind the gap. Only I not want to step over it, but step into it and own it. To be able to do this is what makes us fully human.
The most important part of the process I am stepping into is that there is no wrong or right way, there only is my way. I knew that in my mind, and I even knew that in my heart, but I didn’t know that in my gut. I am learning to be comfortable with what this fear of failure has created in my life, to make peace with what it has ‘taken’ and to appreciate what it has given. I am learning to revel in the process of creation, in the largest sense of the word, and to look forward to its manifestation. Most of all, I am learning to cheer at every so called success and every so called failure, because effectively there is neither, there is only feedback. This feedback has nothing to do with how the manifestation of my life is perceived in the outside world. This feedback is strictly personal, it merely is an indicator of where I am heading. How does this manifestation make me feel? How can I easy into it more easily, allowing any resistance to be a contributor instead of something to be overcome? What new desires are born because of it.? Where do I need to make adjustments in order for future manifestations to feel (even) better?

The fear of failure is not gone, but instead of letting it rule my life or seeing it as something I need to overcome, I am choosing to use it as a catalyst, a contributor to creating an even better life. I have seen over and over in my life that the depth of the contrast we experience is equal to the magnitude of its capacity to change our lives. This knowing creates anticipation of all that is coming, and, in a way, even an appreciation of what is to come as if it is already done. Because, although I don’t know what will happen, and this is where fear of failure rears its lovely head, I trust this process 100%. Up until now, looking back on my life, Life has a pretty amazing track record. Life will meet me in the gap. Every time. No exception.

 

Photo by Philip Jackson