I am learning a new way of being. I have been stumbling and falling. I have been wanting it too much. I know that forcing only is counter-productive, and yet I did it all the time. It was so interwoven in my psyche that I usually only saw it once I overexerted myself. The object of my wanting was not big, nor was it important in the greater scheme of things, but it was something that I wanted so badly that I was pinching myself off. I was being extremely narrow-minded about it.
It was a small thing and yet the battle that was going on inside of me was of epic proportions. It is what the Harry Potter series is about, and the Lord of the Rings, and the Northern Light Trilogy. It is the battle between fear and love. This past year, I have been surrendering to love, but my fear wouldn’t have it. The fear that lives in all of us wants to control our reality, it wants things to be a certain way, our way, or else. Love, on the other hand, is all about faith and trust. It tells us that when we let go, when we surrender, our life will be better than we could ever imagine. I have been swinging between these two ways of being, one moment I felt ease and trust and the other I felt worry and fear. We cannot fear the object of our wanting not being realized while at the same time trusting that it will come into being in perfect timing.
Over the years, I have learned that love is very effective. Love is alignment with all that we are, it creates oneness and from that space of oneness synchronicities that benefit all. Fear on the other hand is very ineffective and counterproductive, it focuses only on our small selves and all the drama that goes with it. It creates separation and a whole range of dis-ease.
On Sunday evening, I received amazing help from some dear friends, I slept like a baby and when I woke up on Monday, I felt at peace, relaxed and at ease. In the morning, I felt inspired to do a powerful prayer, and after that I felt invincible. Then, somehow, my mind introduced the idea of doing that prayer again, and before I knew it I was thrown out of that circle of peaceful knowing and frantically trying to make it happen through prayer. Now you have to know that prayer only is effective when it comes from a place of faith where you know that when you ask it is given, a place of trust and celebration. Prayer is not effective, even counterproductive, when we ask from a place of neediness. And that is exactly what I did that second, and most certainly that third time.
Yesterday, after a day of trying very hard not to hit myself over the head, trying to hide my head in the sand and pretending that all was well, I felt miserable. Out of it was born the strong desire to feel better. So I did a guided meditation for general well-being, and I felt inspired to do some tapping (EFT). Boy, that felt good. After a few rounds, I had released so much anger and pain and fear that I was feeling high. I slept like a baby again. Today, I am leaning towards feeling good. I am learning what a powerful focuser and creator I am. It truly is astounding. I am celebrating my creative powers, I am accepting my responsibility for the life I have created up to this moment. I choose to create with love from now on.
From this moment on, I trust that, one way or the other, everything is as it is supposed to be. I will take care of myself. I will focus on feeling good. I will focus on allowing well-being. I love this time of the year. I love Advent and I love Christmas. I love the anticipation and the celebration. And as much as I celebrate on the outside by decorating my home and preparing amazing dishes, my Christmas always is about the spirit of Christmas. This year more than ever, Christmas is a celebration of the incarnation of Love. We all are Mary pregnant with Christ. Love is gestating inside of us. I am in the process of bearing Love. And the timing could not be more perfect.
For quite some years now, it has been my intention to feel good no matter what, to love life unconditionally, to live unconditional love. The time has come to fully live it. I want to ask you to support me in my intention by closing your eyes, for a minute or so, directing your attention towards me, and in your mind’s eye seeing me laughing, having fun, feeling joy. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what I look like or laugh like, directing your attention is all that matters. Thank you! It is appreciated beyond words. If you have an intention, a desire that is meaningful to you, please share in the comments, it would be my pleasure to support you. I strongly believe in the power of shared intentions. It is a two-way street, it enhances the well-being of both the asker and the supporter. May we all be seen for who we truly are. May we all feel supported in what is meaningful to us.