For most of my life, I lived a life rooted in fear. I have moved through the valley of death, as the psalmist calls it, and now am on the other side of the divide. Life is different here. Not just different, it is so different that it is in some ways unrelatable. I love it and at the same time feel somewhat lost. I know the old ways don’t work anymore, but I have not developed any new ways yet. This is especially true in the case of motivation. On the other side, my main motivator was FEAR, all capitals. I was always running away from something. I was basically powered by stress hormones. It required nothing of my side, it was a completely automated process. From the worst case scenario visualization, feeling it viscerally, to knowing that it would come true and then running like hell, trying to stay one step ahead of disaster. I could always force myself to go an extra mile. I could run for hours without taking a break. Actually, I could run until I collapsed from exhaustion. I can’t do this anymore, it simply doesn’t work. When I try it anyway, because I really want something and it is the only way I know how, the flow of energy is blocked within minutes.
Last week, after I wrote my blog I was thinking it would be nice if there were something to help me navigate this new reality. That same evening, I heard a talk by Jean Houston. I had heard about her, but never had heard her speak yet. I was enchanted, I loved her style, but most of all I loved what she was talking about. At a certain moment I felt a bolt of lightning; she was talking about the exact same thing I was wanting to learn. And she was giving an online course on the subject too. I had found my guide. What an amazing manifestation. It took another day for me to spend that kind of money on myself for something so completely intangible, but I did. Today, at 5 pm PST, the first lesson of seven will start. Fortunately for me, they have a recorded session I can listen to tomorrow, because getting up at 2 am is not conducive to learning anything as far as I am concerned. I am very excited about benefitting from Jean’s 50+ years of experience. I am looking forward to immersing myself in the depth and richness of her vast experience, and to learning new skills and meeting new people. I have no expectations about the outcome, it know this is what I have to do now and I know it will be the perfect experience for me now. I am completely open to all it can bring and will bring.
image by Melodi2