Yesterday, I read a post by Jeff Foster about a healing. It resembled closely the physical healings I experienced.There were a lot of comments from both people who, like me, have experienced the miracle of healing and people who have not but were all too willing to have theirs. There were a lot of truths and a lot of misconceptions. I am not pretending to know all about healing, I don’t, but I have learned one or two things on my journey. I think the number one misconception is that a healing is physical. It is not. Healing is the process of returning to our original wholeness, and while physical healing usually is part of that process, it is only a side effect. Yes, a physical healing is the most easy to see, but it also is the least important part of the healing. The true miracle, the true healing is a shift in perception, it is the shift from fear to love, not just at the intellectual and emotional level, but at the core of who we are. At a cellular level, we know that we are enough, we know that we are loved, that we are the creator of our lives, that we hold the key to everything we desire, that everything that happens is summoned by us as a vessel for our expansion, that earth is a playground and that we can mold life any way we want it.
Last Friday, I had an echo in my left ear. It was not very comfortable, but I assumed the echo would go away as soon as I had figured out the meaning behind it. It did. After I figured out I needed to stop second guessing my intuition, the echo changed into a low roar, as if there was a fan placed right in front of my ear drum. With the constant roar in my ear, it became hard to think clearly. What if this would never go away, I thought in the middle of the night, lying awake from the non-stop sound in my head. What if I would never experience the silence I crave so much? What if I would go deaf? It took some time to make peace with all these questions, to trust the process. The next day, sitting in the car, the roar being overruled by the sound of the engine, it hit me. Why the low roar? I can only experience what I am resonating with. What low vibration am I resonating with? Fear. I had already figured out that I had arrived at the sixth chakra, the energy center of perception, vision and insight, but this healing was different than I imagined it would be. I somehow had the idea that it enticed surrendering to the vision God, the Universe, Source had for me. And it did, but I naively had imagined a sort of plan for my life. All I got was that I had to let go of all fear, be fearless, that I could not love and fear at the same time. It feels like an open door, and at the same time this truth is so profound. On my journey, I have crossed the desert between the land of fear and the land of love. It reminds me of the story in the Bible, where the people of Israel had reached the promised land. They had come from Egypt, liberated from slavery. Moses sent out twelve spies, when the spies came back, they reported that it was a good land, but that it was inhabited with men too big to conquer. All but one of the spies, Caleb, said that they would not be strong enough, that they would be slaughtered, and the people of Israel started rebelling, moaning why they were forced to leave Egypt. This enraged the Lord God of Israel and he let the people of Israel roam the desert for 40 more years. Of all the grownups, only those who believed in the power of the Lord, Joshua and Caleb, would survive the journey and be allowed to enter the promised land, the land of milk and honey. I want to be Caleb, but I sound more like the people of Israel, not daring to trust the wisdom of Source, not daring to let go of all I have known and step into the unknown, holding onto fear, not being able to fully embrace Love. Do I dare to live a life that has no guarantees, a life that cannot be planned, only imagined? A life that unfolds through the act of trusting the perfection of the unfolding. Do I dare to live life for the joy of living, filled with things that make my heart sing, seemingly illogical and unpredictable? Do I dare to create without holding on to a certain outcome? Do I dare to let go of society’s dream for me, the dream I adopted, and live my life filling my days with things that I love to do, allowing myself to be enough as I am and at the same time be all that I am, one with the Universe, trusting that it will provide for me in ways I cannot even imagine?
I have been on this journey for over fifteen years. The answer is clear. I will be like Caleb, but I will not wait another forty years. At the beginning of my journey, I said yes to Life. I will say it again: YES! May whatever resistance needs to be released be released now. May whatever fear needs to be set free be set free now. May I be untethered from whatever is weighing me down. May I be unmoored from whatever is tying me to my old self. May I be fearlessly in love with Life. May I boldly go where no man has gone before. May I trust more with every step I take in this uncharted territory. May I be free. As beautiful as this may sound, there is nothing romantic about being healed. It is raw and honest. Healing is the process of uncovering the soul. The soul that is, was, and always will be free.
Image by Jose Fernando Carli