I surrender

 

 

When I dream, I dream big. Always has been that way, no one-dollar-dreams for me. Not believing they could ever come true, I did not particularly like my dreams. So I stopped dreaming. Instead of dreaming big, I learned to be perfectly content with the life I was leading, to love the daily grind. As I started to love my life, my life started to change. Unbeknownst to me, the love I had invited into my life started peeling off my old skin, the old beliefs that had fitted like a second-skin, that had unconsciously been limiting my way of being for as long I had been living. With the shedding of my outgrown beliefs returned the desire to dream again. As usual my dreams were bigger than life. Gone was the belief that they could never come true, born the knowing that in God’s mind everything is possible. Yet, I had no clue how to make that happen. The key would be in surrendering my ego to God, or the Universe if you prefer, I knew that much, but my mind knew it was not ready.

Last week, after over more than one year of trying to make things happen,  I finally realized my mind will never be ready to let go of the control it perceives to be real. So I told it off. Every time it tried to manage the how, I told my mind it was none of its business. That led to migraine-like headaches and overwhelming tiredness. I was kind to myself and resolute in how I addressed my mind. I told it, “you will do an absolutely brilliant job helping me achieve my dreams. You are essential to the process, but you are not leading.” After three days, the physical symptoms subsided, as it would with any addiction the body has to get out of its system, and I felt more quiet than ever. Relaxed in not knowing the unknowable, trusting that all will be revealed to me in perfect timing, as long as I am open to receiving inspiration and willing to act upon it. The self-organizing principle, the evolving consciousness I still call God, the Source of Life of which I am a physical extension will lead me, will present me with all the opportunities and resources I need to fulfill our dream through me.

 

photo by Kelsey Johnson