Uncovering my inner Roo

 

 

I love Winnie the Pooh! Ever since I read A.A. Milne’s books and was rolling on the floor laughing, literally. tears rolling down my cheeks. Where I used to just love the humour, over the years I have come to appreciate how all characters are aspects of our psyche, and how spot on they are. I used to be equal parts Piglet, Eejoor and Rabbit, with a bit of Kanga and Tigger, which was a rather unhappy mix: insecurity, gloom and  fear, with some motherly caring and and a hint of unchanneled excitement. No Pooh to be present NOW, fortunately no Owl either, but also no Christopher Robin to put things in perspective and bring compassion to my life or Roo to add childlike innocence and enthusiasm. Nowadays, I would describe myself as equal parts Christopher Robin and Kanga, some Pooh, and bits of Piglet, Eejoor, Rabbit and Tigger. Today, I am on an ‘expotition’ to uncover my inner Roo.

When it comes to family, I know very well what excites me, and I know how to foster that and create upward momentum. For other areas in my life, I have learned rather well to inhibit what excites me, especially anything that could lead to a monetary reward.  Anything potentially ‘work-related’ and I feel clueless.  This is where it gets interesting, because I understand that in using the word ‘clueless’ I add to the momentum of my idea of cluelessness. And when I focus on being ‘clueless’ my minds opens the whole scala of concepts that are related to cluelessness, which opens a whole array of emotions that are tied to this feeling of cluelessness. And before I know it I am sucked in and see my reaction to the word clueless as evidence of my cluelessness, while it merely is a consequence of my focus.
Enter Roo. I really want to learn to redirect my focus from the feeling of ‘cluelessness’ which is just powerlessness in one of its many disguises to an expectant  innocence, in which I don’t know what will happen, but am confident that everything will work out for the best. I want to be excited about something and dream big, even if in my mind this seems seems impossible. Innocence is a heart-set, not a mind-set.

When it comes to family, I know how to combine innocence with great expectations, and even more importantly I know how to keep the fire roaring in the daily grind. I would even say that it becomes easier and easier, because I know better and better what it feels like to have an awesome familiy life. Confidence, excitement and intention fueling  each other.
With anything work-related, I never had that combination. Instead, there were equal parts insecurity, fear and gloom and a touch of excitement. They too fuel each other, but lead to an opposite momentum, that is sure to kill any fire any time. In the past months, I have come to a neutral kind of loving what I do, and being alright with not knowing what is going to come from it, but there is no fire, no burning yes inside. I have come to the conclusion that I want to be excited about my work. I have gained enough discernement to know that excitement is not something I have to find in my work, it is something I have to find within myself. So next to writing, painting and having an amazing last month of the year with my family, I am going to explore what excites me, what lights my soul, sets my heart on fire and excites my mind. And once I know what resonates with all of me, once I know what kindles childlike enthusiasm and inspires great dreams, I am going to learn to bounce upward like Tigger and forward like Roo. I am going to foster my excitement. From a cinder I will create a roaring fire by adding daily intention, and confidence. Because what I have learned is that it is not important to feel confident about what you do, but it is very important that you know that whatever happens you will be allright. I may not know how to go about things, but I know that I am cared for, Life provides for me, I am going to be allright.